DPA

Destruction
Pain
Anguish

Realisation

I have realised how...fruitless life is.
Ofc, this is all a matter of perspective, I can pick out all the good stuff and go haha, that was worth it, or maybe life isn't too bad after all.

The bad stuff is...unquestionably real and presents itself right there in front of me. Can't be ignored at all. Fag.

Good thing: I have a lot of friends on which I can depend on and support me during not-so-good times.

Bad thing: The one person I'd like to be close to says "we've been friends too long and I don't wan2 risk it"

FFS this is the 3rd time hearing that and tbh I'm sick of it. Sigh...

But this time, its a bit different. Additional information suggested that everything is a lie with her...
Everything last year was a complete and utter lie, straight in my face, looking into my eyes.

Not many ppl know, but lying to me is something I cannot accept. People know I can tolerate a lot until a CERTAIN FUCKING point, and when reached, I will hate you for the rest of my life. Notice the FULLSTOP. Lying takes you straight to jail so to speak.

4 months of lies lies and more lies. False pretences, facades and flattery struck deep into my heart.

The problem is...because I like her...I cannot hate her...The hatred I have held for the people that just plainly pissed me off during my life...It's gone.

James Cho...Jeff Ma...They're not important anymore.

She was everything, the focal point and...she lied to me. All that time.

Treating her how she treated me...is that a good thing?? She now wants her friend back, and is asking why I hate her. I do not hate her...but wants her friend back?
The friend who always asked and got denied. The one who always texted first and got no reply.


I only play the fool once

Update

Been...around 4 months since my last post.

Hmm. Nothing to write.

Nothing of any particular interest.

And another 4 months pass.

Of rest and relaxation.

Waste of time?

Not a single major accomplishment....except for the upcoming full license test??

Sigh

Indie Rock

Why the hell do people like it??

It is the lowest form of music sitting on top of listening to a tone deaf 12 year old thinking she's alicia keys...

The. Worst. Ever.

You must be high on something pretty high quality if you like it.

Holidays

Nothing numbs your noggin like the holidays....

No strenuous mental activity coupled with lazing around...

Bliss...

Papercut

No, not the song.

FUCKING painful!!!
Like holy shit oh my freaking son of a mother fucking biatch painful!!!

It's cos signal transduction is incredibly fast, conducted by the C fibers (sharp pain) and continuously fires....Unlike chopping your arm off where the shock should decrease pain sensors firing and A-delta fibres firing (slow, dull pain)

I hate paper. It should burn

10점 만점에 10점

그녀의 입술은 맛있어, 입술은 맛있어,
10점 만점에 10점~
그녀의 다리는 멌져, 다리는 멌져,
10점 만점에 10점~
그녀의 날리는 머릿결, 날리는 머릿결,
10점 만점에 10점~
그녀는 머리에서 발끝까지 모두다,
10점 만점에 10점!!

and thus the song goes.

I've been used and lied to. Betrayed? Nearly but not quite.
Fallen for something that only seeks to gain things and not return the favour...

But I am not hurt. There's a limit to how much a man's heart can break. Sadly I've reached it.

Dunedin is a small place. There are only so many attractive guys and girls.
Lets say the reserves are dry and we're on empty tanks. What now??

I have always needed a target, even an impossible target, just...a target. Somewhere to aim. Someone to be with. Morals dictate that that person is now off-limits.

The emptiness I felt for about 1 hour has now filled with realisation. The extent of the web of lies that I am strung up upon is a LOT bigger than I thought.

And who else but someone I trusted in? Someone I've leaned against during the hard times of 2006? Someone I've learned to be comfortable with?

But it doesn't hurt, I just feel like I have to get out of here, I need a change of scenery, I need a break from all of this.

Afghani's have a saying that loosely says: "Life goes on" which pretty much means "shit happens, get over it you pussy"

I get over things by leaning on other people. And sometimes I lend a shoulder for them to lean on. One of my biggest person to lean on has completely smacked me in the face. And even now tries to hide what I already know.

Why do people do this?? Am I not trustworthy? Do I talk about other people's secrets that much? What is it that they do not trust in me??